Disposable People - Culture Wars

This quote from C.S Lewis often comes to mind when pondering the current state of sexual ethics in this country.  

"…when we say of a lustful man prowling the streets that he wants a woman. Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want.  He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition,  One does not keep the carton after one had smoked the cigarettes."

Over the last 50 years, three issues keep coming to the surface in the so-called culture wars, issues which conservative Christians find themselves involved with and as a result, find themselves roundly criticized for poking their noses into "political" affairs.  (Read More)

I recall decades ago seeing a major news magazine cover which depicted then Attorney General Ed Meese speaking on the issue of pornography while a statue of "justice" - a blindfolded woman nude from the waste up holding a balance scale - was strategically framed in the photo behind him.  The image the media wished to portray was that of a prudish and backward conservative male bent on outlawing Rembrandt, Michelangelo and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. This misdirection served to distract from public attention the voluminous amount of material the pornography commission had to sift through which included images of sadomasochistic violent sexuality and child pornography.

Horrific as the underbelly of the porn industry is, most still associate porn with the girl-next-door centerfold from Hugh Hefner's glossy publication.  The assumption of the uninformed is that the soft-core girlie magazines are not so bad.  But thinking of Lewis' quote, I recall the moment the light went on in my own mind.  No healthy male escapes the temptation of looking at the image of a beautiful woman enticingly posed, but I recall the realization one sunny day on a drive in the country with a real human being that there sitting next to me was an actual person.  It is more difficult for one who has a modicum of sensitivity to western values and respect for others to think of a living person as an "apparatus" or a mere source of stimulation.  Perhaps the greatest antidote to lust is simple respect. 

But the Playboy philosophy and in particular the Playboy photo spread is exactly what Lewis describes.  The playmate of the month, the flavor of the month is a temporary stimulant for a solo male.  The glossy image, a soulless shadow of a real human, exists to be discarded once the next issue is released and new novelty is available at the convenience mart.  

I am not a prude.  I don't think sex is evil or that feminine beauty need always be buried under layers and layers of heavy cloth.  I do believe there is a difference between the centerfold of the month and a Rembrandt or even a Bouguereau.  The centerfold is not an exaltation of universal feminine beauty that appreciates the humanity of the subject.  What is missing, and what is subsequently missing from temporary relationships in the hookup culture, is respect for the dignity and humanity of another person.  

Real sexual fulfillment requires genuine concern for the long-term well being and needs of another - in short, it is better to give than receive.  A woman who is secure in the knowledge her man is faithful and committed for life is a woman free to love with her whole heart, an idea most hedonists fail to consider, oblivious to the reality that married religious women are generally more content with their sex lives than the average "liberated" women.    Instead, just as last month's issue is discarded - all too often real human beings are also discarded because the goal of the chase is personal pleasure, a cigarette in a carton has no humanity.  An "apparatus" has no soul.

Nor does Christianity teach that the body and sexuality are bad, quite the opposite.  But in traditional Christian morality, if one is to ask a young woman to give her body to him, he must give her the solemn promise of lifelong fidelity, love, protection, tenderness and most of all respect.  Genuine care for another, genuine security, genuine self-giving within marriage has its lasting rewards.  Narcissistic hedonism in the end yields short lived pleasure often followed by loneliness and emptiness.  And the wreckage of young women used and discarded is a massive human tragedy of the sexual revolution.

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In more recent culture wars, Conservative Christians again find themselves defending traditional marriage on another front, but the ultimate issue is strikingly similar.  Surveys indicate the average homosexual male has had hundreds of "partners".  Thomas Sowell tells the sordid tales major universities needing to alter the materials used in bathroom stalls because of gay men boring holes in the walls to practice anonymous sex with whoever might be in the next stall.  Nothing could be more impersonal, anonymous and without genuine human context.  One could paraphrase Lewis at this point, "…when we say of a lustful gay man prowling the streets that he wants a lover...  Strictly speaking, a lover is just what he does not want.  He wants a pleasure for which another warm body happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus."  The other person need not have a name, a personality, a past, present or future.  He need not even be associated to a face.  This is tragic.

While the media like to focus on the carefully crafted image of gay couples in long-term relationships, in reality some studies reveal that even those who claim to be in committed relationships with the same partner for years find it nearly impossible to be faithful.  I do not say gay monogamy is impossible, only that it is extremely rare.  Sex divorced from it most obvious purpose, the procreation of a family, somehow usually lacks what is necessary to form a faithful lasting personal bond.  Apparently even if two men do stay together for a long period of time, the odds are they well on occasion hook up with other men in "open" relationships and discard them like the proverbial cigarette carton.

Where gay marriage has found a foothold, it seems to be the case the gay divorce is all too common.  Writes Charles C.W. Cook at NRO "In Norway, male same-sex marriages are 50 percent more likely to end in divorce than heterosexual marriages, and female same-sex marriages are an astonishing 167 percent more likely to be dissolved. In Sweden, the divorce risk for male-male partnerships is 50 percent higher than for heterosexual marriages, and the divorce risk for female partnerships is nearly double that for men."

Whether promiscuity is straight or gay, is it really that difficult to see that lifelong commitment to one with whom children are miraculously born and nurtured from the day of birth to adulthood might be objectively more fulfilling and rewarding than a string of anonymous encounters with nameless individuals who will likely never be seen or heard from again?

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 Perhaps the most divisive of all the culture war issues falls under the same general heading - disposable people.  It is said over and over that abortion is an issue of women's rights, but many find that to be a lie.  The greatest "benefit" of easy access to abortion goes to promiscuous men.   Once the "apparatus" has served its purpose, the last thing many men want is any long term attachment or responsibility.  If there is the "complication" of pregnancy, what could be more convenient than a few hundred bucks cash to have the woman take care of the problem?   Even better if insurance companies of the state or local government foot the bill.  

But not only is the woman discarded in this scenario - another living human being, almost certainly with a beating heart and measurable brain activity is tossed aside as well.  

Some say Christian marriage devalues women.  After nearly 30 years of marriage I strongly disagree, and so would my wife.  It is the detachment of sex from the bonds of marriage is what makes women and children, and now gay men disposable objects.  The sad thing is that so many young women, young girls and now impressionable young men have not even begun to understand how thoroughly duped they have been.  Grasping at the promise of unbridled freedom, they become disposable objects adrift in a sea of human wreckage.  

This devaluation of both sex and humanity is what Conservative Christians fight against.  Autonomy and anonymity are ultimately lonely places to be.  There is security in sexual boundaries. There is security in commitment.  There is security in sacrificial love.  And when love is sacrificial, built on respect - no one benefits more from the bonds of matrimony than women and children.